Futility

To the best of my recollection, I began blogging along about 2007 in a manner along the lines of a man about town. Notes on places frequented, music heard, oddities seen - that sort of thing. Within the bounds of what a log is, recording events matter of factly. I can't confirm the date because Google changed the Blogger format and I was posting on another account with a different e-mail address. Consequently, after some time not using that particular blog on account of commencing this one, which I wanted to use for more expository purposes, it up and disappeared! 

Contacted Google many months ago and got instructions on how to pull it back up but it didn't do so. Forgetting the passwords for the former blog and e-mail account didn't help. I got as far as I could upon setting up new passwords and hit the wall. I'm sure it's somehow accessible. I simply don't have a casual acquaintance to assist. Which is the object of this post... no one to help. No one to talk to.

I went for coffee at the local pub this morning. My mind reeling after reading that the Halloween parade in NYC just had to go on after the atrocity downtown. I was somewhat put out. I tried to have a conversation. "I wonder how many people know where Uzbekistan is?" I mentioned the absurdity noted and, no, the person did not know where Uzbekistan was. A few assertions were made on my part about rounding up all these aliens on the sort of visa the assassin had tempered by the question as to whether habeas corpus and the 4th and 5th Amendments applied. Well, the conversation went south and, yes, I was venting. Not exactly the right person to engage with in this regard.

The thing of it is I do know where Uzbekistan is. Over the years I've read several books (recall this one in particular) about the area pertaining to it's history from Alexander to the Silk Road to the interminable 'problem' of Afghanistan - "Isn't that the case, Dr. Watson?" Ah, yes, fabled Samarkand. Tamerlane. The Khans! Indeed; adjunct to the Raj and the Great Game. Get the picture? All this going on in my mind and no one to talk to.

So I halted my chat with the fellow and knew I had to go to the blog. Blimey if I don't feel better; less pent up. Still, I'd rather be with a real person. I don't need the couch but a talking cure with a human being would be splendid. Alas, there is no other recourse at the moment. I choose not to feel it is not a futile situation.

I made the last link because that's what was playing as I was writing. Went to coffee place after above encounter to sit down, get online and, er, relate. Same instance as mentioned the other day: usual people here, no one acknowledges your existence. Way it is. So the tune is playing and I ask the 'neighboring' individuals, "Is this Nina Simone?" No one heard me as they had their buds on in their personal universe but I couldn't see that because my glasses were off. But they could see me addressing them - they didn't bother to take the earphones off! Went to the nearest barista and asked him to look it up (I know they can.) and he sullenly did. Confirmed. Then the twenty-something persisted looking down his nose as if I'm incapable of doing the same operation but I don't wish to sign up for the come ons. Cup of coffee... big fucking deal. Sorry, but this is all very exasperating, the attitudes! The indifference. Halloween parades, though, because of the commercial aspect, now that's important.

That was another thing I saw. (Impossible to read the news without being whipsawed.) The Trump kid used his kids to make a political statement, dressing them in military and police garb. (I abhor Halloween.) Had them salute for a Tweet, la-de-da. Abhorrent. He should not have done that but farbeit for me to say what people should or should not do as that's nothing but TROUBLE as is often the case when dealing with CREEPS. Well, one of the late night TV creeps then skewers the Trump creep after he further Tweeted that he gave half of the kid's candy away to "Teach them about socialism."!!! The retort was vulgar. This stuff drives me nuts. Fortunately, this is playing presently. And this popped up while I secured the previous link. I refuse to feel the futility of living in a ridiculous day and age.

How are we to proceed? The picture is from another coffee place I used to visit. Not often, but the proprietor was friendly. She died. Leukemia. I will proceed with a sense of mortality and in the best humor I possible can. You can see, if you are one of the people who seem to be reading this, why I do it. It's not venting, per se, but moreso this.

Cute, huh? I'd rather be corporeally engaged. Believe me. This has to do.
I do not feel the futility of the circumstance at all. So help me God, I don't.
Now, I do feel good enough to go out and take some pictures. Of what?
Need to find some flowers STAT. Have got to keep myself occupied. Peacefully.

Ad lib

Is this coasting or what? Boob tube.
Good show, Astros. Congratulations.

Frankly, I'm glad it's over. Despite tough
losses, felt committed to see it through.

Don't find the game boring. Was a catcher...
can 'get into' every pitch. It's an art form.

Time Flies

I've gotten so enraptured processing pictures - forgot about baseball game. The above turned up perusing the files. Pretty good but I'm sick and tired of taking pictures of it. It's almost like the play which must not be mentioned. The nomenclature is a figment. It's a geologic feature. (In artillery parlance it'd be Hill 2612.) We honor Laurie Piestewa but, I mean, she was killed in a botched firefight she wasn't trained for. Would they put that on a memorial? Oh, I do need a change of scene.

This one from years ago; springtime gouache. I need to get to the Cascades! I'm hoping to get all together to make move next spring. Give me time to acclimate insofar as I think I'm going to feel very cold there. There are few freezes on the coast but the damp might impact somewhat. I don't know. Sick and tired of Phoenix. If I'm going to be alone and laid back, I'd rather be elsewhere. Can't stand living in a neighborhood all these years and everyone is a stranger. I had so many friends in Portland... guess when one is younger that's easier to do. Here, people don't want to be bothered and people have family who respect and care about each other. Mine don't, so I'm out of here. They never wanted me here in the first place; my parents did. They never were friendly, ever, and looked down their noses.

Odd exchange with a sister on point. Sent her several quality pictures for birthday. Her response? "Did you take these?" She knows nothing about me, could care less and doesn't think me capable of anything like that. Sheesh.

That's how my family was. No inspiration a'tall.

Guffaw

Send in the clowns; we're looking forward. I humor myself. Am conflicted.
Would like to go to Bible study but it's strange. There's no personal interaction.
I've gone to this particular one three times and no one has approached me.
I reiterate; people only engage each other here in commercial quid pro quos.

I just went to the local city park. Saw three birds and two persons. Nice afternoon.
No one on park benches commiserating. No kids playing. Very, very strange.
Then to nearby coffee place. People you've seen again and again. Awfully strange.
They don't even look up from their screens. "Howdy, neighbor." DOA. LOL

Well, at least I don't have to go out for the game as it's on broadcast. Great.
I've already got my to-do list of chores to do while watching. Yeah, way to go.
I don't know what I'm going to do about getting churched. Many, many years ago,
George here went to Corpus Christi in Manhattan. I used to go to one in Queens.

The Corps Indeed

I had previously posted another clip.

This one more apt; less sanctimonious.

Deeply imprinted youthful memory.

Came to mind amidst turmoil extant.

I think I should stay out politics. Really.

Makes one crazy. "He's mad, I tell you...

stark raving bonkers, he is." Keep a lid on it!

I'm going to relax and rely on my training.

Old Stuff

Just fiddling with an app making a picture look old. In merchandising, distressed.
Picacho Peak on the back side, I believe. Overheated after getting back on freeway.
This is just the sort of thing prevents me from simply taking off as I used to do.
Get out of town, sleep in truck. Anxiety about aging vehicle and expense precludes.

That's a good one. Remembers me to download this, another on the list for life.
I liked some of Auden's stuff. He lived in the East Village off St. Mark's Place.
We'd go there to buy vintage clothing. Old London Fog trench coats. Tweed fedoras.
Fillmore East in the neighborhood. Talk about back in another day. Had to work!

Patience and Fortitude

Funny. Blew off baseball game. Just saw one minute news report.
That's all I needed to know. Will I go for Game 7? (I miss my Dad.)
Problematic. Bible study in conflict. Now there's the case in a nutshell!
I suppose I will. Maybe run into someone to watch with. Unlikely.

It's one thing to have bad memories where you occasionally are reminded.
To have recent ones and often have to deal with them in passing is a bear.
The critical thing is that they are only significant insofar as I let them be.
Some conflict there too. Yet were I to meet a good friend... poof... gone.

That's just as unlikely. But I'm pretty much used to being alone. Buck up!
I don't like that derogation 'loner'. I'm not. Highly sociable. Gregarious.
Living in an environment where people are most unfriendly doesn't help.
The nexus of social life in Phoenix is the commercial transaction. Pathetic.

Well, let's just chill. Plenty to read; much to do. Matter of priorities.
In addition to Cervantes, have got this and that going. Coral Sea done.
Lexington lost but 90% of crew survived. Major issues regarding ordinance.
Defective torpedoes. Dive bombing ineffective. All overcome in time.