Spent the day cleaning the kitchen. Somewhat. Get reorganized. Thought a lot about THE LIST. If all the stuff I need to do. Move from the kitchen to family room? I've been neglectful.
Magnificent storm the other day. This the day after, the air thoroughly cleaned. Dreamy Draw. Ah, me and my dreams for the house. Thoroughly disappointed. But still. Have to live there.
One of the things on the list is a prescription refill. Awkward. Blood pressure medication; I've been neglectful. Thought to write the doctor a note. Can I do that here?
Dear Doctor: I've been neglectful. Because I inconsistently take my medication without ever checking my blood pressure, believe it or not I've only just run out. Please don't think me a bad patient, though I am. There's some despondency involved insofar as being acutely interested in my well being. My cop out is that no one cares about me; why ought I? Yes, plain carelessness.
My life has been somewhat of a disappointment. Meeting goals more like imagining them and no fulfillment. But I'm aware of the process. I just minimalize the effort and am a procrastinator. I make lists. Written and mental. Haphazard completion record. Coming to see you has been on a list for some time. Childishly, I think I'm be scolded. Or dropped for non-compliance. There was some depression last year but better now. Not too manic. My life is much less stressful not working. (So many triggers to go off behaviorally in dealing with public. Paranoia too.) Sorry, but I've gotten complacent coasting along on my Social Security.
Please, let's do the refill and get me baselines again. I figure you will order lab tests. I have been warned about kidney function and there's another aspect of staying out of touch... I don't want to know. I will try to be more compliant.
Losing weight and quitting smoking ever in the list too. Utter failure. I feel fine except for the body awareness and strain of carrying the extra weight. I weigh more than I ever have. To tell you the truth, in my budget I don't eat out and very much enjoy cooking. Too much. Very little exercise. That for me is soaking in the hot tub and doing range of motion. Staying lumber is all I do toward staying alive.
In making this declaration to you, I recommit to complete the things on the list, seeking some raison d'être. I went back to church a couple of months ago. None of my clothes fit! I bought some new and some the next size down toward motivation. I gave up a month ago and have not been going. Some despondency as mentioned. I aim to get fit and fit into the trousers.
Withal COVID-19 perhaps that's advisable. I know I am much at risk and can only take it from here and hope for the best. The circumstance has engendered feelings of mortality I never felt in my history of adolescent invulnerability. Your understanding is appreciated.
There. Done. At Lux coffee. Having a Benedictine. About to go home. Made three bean soup the other day. Feel alright.
No comments:
Post a Comment