Finally had brief frank moment with Francesca and spilled the beans a bit. That I'm schizophrenic. I mentioned splitting and defensiveness. I got the impression she knew already. Furthermore that she may know a lot more about me than I her. Is that symptomatic? What I wanted her to know mostly is that it's symptomatic that I may make much more of our passing encounters than she does. I'd certainly like to tell her I'm not one of the boys. We've just not gotten there, there being a quiet place and a comfortable talk. I think they call that intimacy, which, after she later mentioned to someone else that she had a boyfriend, may be impossible. But good to know insofar as the parameters go. Yet being as isolate as I am may compel me to persist if I, how to say, I continue to feel affection. I do not want to be her boyfriend and that's too much for a nascent relationship. (I've got to much on my plate otherwise.) So, be a man; take your medicine.
Did not go into 'ideas of reference' but a good example might be ordering the chicken wings and ruminating about "Wings" as I attempt to achieve elevation after feeling in the dumps since she got so fugging this and that. The 'unladylike' thing. It was goading too, I felt. (Why pick a fight with a devotee?) We had that conversation - told her it evidenced a lack of expressive vocabulary. The ultimate cliche. How to go into how it drives me nuts insofar as insofar goes. How to, in a bloody bar, take on telling her about noble truths and dwelling in the House of The Lord? What are the limits per pub rules?
How indeed. Show her. May lead to an outbreak of bliss.
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