Eye of Beholder

Scrolling through all the 'news' stories pertinent to the war between the sexes, I felt trapped. The frame of reference is... sex. And these celebrities? Bores. One goes from an image presenting soft-porn or cheesecake, whatever it is, where a woman presents her assets to a story where they've been violated on way or another. I feel we're all being violated by the sex-obsessed media. Utterly ridiculous to a person who doesn't have sex and hasn't in a long while. Very little interest, and it's mostly because it's always a problem unless it's within marriage and private. But it sells these tabloid news and blog sites. Just the way it is. And it's women who mostly constitute the market for this drivel.

Another peeve. Remember 'pop-ups' and subsequent blockers on one's browser. Using the 'smart' phone on the web is one pop-up after another with no facility to block them. Revenues. And plenty of cheesecake click-bait. On top of the fees to use the ISP, the newspapers want cash to read their cant. Hell, the AP is free and all they do is reprint the feed. Can't think of anything more outrageous than the pissant Arizona Republic charging 10 bucks monthly (after collecting from the advertisers)  to read about traffic accidents. The Internet has gotten very tedious.

This poster is from the 70s.
Believe it or not, the fellow was a celebrity.
Became the mayor of Portland, Oregon.
About the last time I had marital sex.

Straight & Narrow

Haven't had much of a problem with the former, but the latter? Well; a lot of leeway there. Broad is the way that leads to destruction. Yeah, been there. Some regrets.

This is a print on the wall of the classroom where I was just at Bible study. One of a series from John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, a 17th century allegory written while he was imprisioned for preaching after the Stuart restoration and re-establishment of the Anglicans. A very arcane work I've glanced at but never studied. Just imagine, locked up for speaking as he did (adversely toward the establishment) in a dank and dark gaol, envisioning, as it were. 

The objective: the Celestial City. The path buffeted by temptation. Gee, I just want to get through the day. Fortunately, we needn't concern ourselves with any coercive establishment. 

Tonight, finishing up with the late Prophets... Malachi. Also preached against establishment - the temple priests. They weren't instructing the people in the covenant. What is that but keeping the law and God will provide. 

I do feel fortunate and grateful to be just fine in that regard. Would be nice to have a good friend but the sort of thing mentioned here is, well, rather narrow, isn't it?

Boycott everything. LOL

Hey, Girl

Came across portrait of old pooch.

Eula. Extremely placid. Miss her.

Moral Highground

Isn't it mindbending, the way things play out in the media pursuant to partisan politics? Fundamentally tribal I reckon; the enemy of my enemy is my friend, the friend of my enemy is my enemy and so forth. Beyond what is right and wrong, how is one to judge what to do when something is wrong? Is that predetermined by my relationship to the perpetrator of the wrong? In my best humor, I was thinking of those 30s movies where the mother stands before the judge about to send her son up the river - "Your honor, he's a good boy." The judge harrumphs... "Yes, well: thirty years." We all stand equal before the law irregardless of subjective consideration.

I think this through after reading someone skewering Nancy Pelosi for her apologetics towards her political associates while condemning her political rivals for the same behaviors. Incredible double standard; palpably phoney. Yet by another standard (tribal affinity) she is virtuous for having done her duty and sticking up for her friends. Mindbending.

The columnist cited the philosophical 'original position' as proposed by John Rawls, a Harvard law professor, with regard to fairness. As I understand it, what we perceive as fair or unfair is based on our condition, i.e., if I am a woman I should want 'things' to be fair for women; a workingman, a person of color, a particular religious persuasion and so on. It seems very subjective but the ethic is everyone has this self-interest and there should be, in a free society where these conditions are acknowledged, respected and validated, a consensus whereby such matters are negotiated in good faith, the general welfare in mind. Said tribalism impedes the process. Atavism. Gauche social behaviors, throwbacks to the universal 'unfair' treatment of women, engender rationalizations excoriating or excusing based on further superfluous social conditioning.

It's all such Social Psych 101-102! The onus of 'the other' and subsequent attitudes and biases. Identity politics, they say. Then, along the same lines, Philosophy One Oh Whatever... Ethics. Yes, it's still there in mine gray cells: the Catagorical Imperitive!

"Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law." Kant on morality.

We knew that: what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I really am jaded by these double standards. Suppose I could go on but, in this world, so will they.  It does require some little spiritual consciousness never discussed in the quagmire the political theater presents. This maxim sounds good - just try to live up to it, eh?

Mach 2

Read several books over the weekend. After finishing Bernadotte's biography, read one about Felix Yusupov and then about the Astors. If you need to know anything about the Battle of the Nations, Rasputin's assassination or the continental beaver pelt trade, I'm your man.

Looked at a brief history of the USAF B-58, which was flying when I was a kid, the main subject being its demise. A component of SAC, it ran up against budgetary cuts in the 60s along with competitive pressure from the cost of Southeast Asian adventures. It was a choice between upgrading B-52s or maintaining its viability as part of nuclear deterrent asset triad; bombers, missiles, submarines. Mutually Assured Destruction.

Written by a pilot who loved it (seriously) and fought the bureaucracy to keep the program, it was full of techincal information. The thing of it is, the plane was one of the model airplanes I built as a kid. A plastic kit. I had a Sopwith Camel, a Mosquito, a Spitfire, a P-38 and a P-51. It was the only jet. (Hadn't a clue about fallout or collateral damage when I made it.) Sleek looking aircraft.

Presently with this. 

And it's currently 0144 Zulu.

Tell me about it!

Preppies!
LOL I were one.
Very much buttoned down.
'Conventional' is understatement.

Ebullience?

Yes, very happy to have found this in files.

Ten or more years ago. Excellent composition -

if I do say so myself. No one else will! LOL

Still, cannot get motivated to go out. Difficulty.

Would like to go for coffee; can make it myself.

Another Time... Another Rock

Contemplate elsewhere? Lovely sketch.

Haystack Rock. Oregon. (Swiped.) Beautiful.

Something real. I've no interest in anything not.

Difficult circumstance in artificial environment.

Here and now, I wonder: is God the God of

Nature or a fabrication of crafty men? Hmm.

For the answer of answers, think we shall have

to bear with each other. St. Dragonbreath?

Further contemplation. Yangs, yings, yowzas...

Hear, O Isreal - The Lord thy God is one. 

Well, I had better get this day underweigh.

Find some equilibrium on the grid, as it were.

Get Out There

Spent the afternoon listening to KBAQ and perusing the news. (So what's happening in Saudi?) Years ago, I'd go to the library to read the magazines. Good to be able to do so from my easy chair. All those little subscription fees do add up, don't they? Ridiculous story about Ivanka Trump's junket to India; the State Department isn't sending any senior officials with her. (The Trumps are losing me.) An accessories and jewelry shill as our Ambassador-without-Portfolio? Another story says she's headed to the United Nations. Government celebrities.

Went for a walk near sunset. Didn't expect anything to portray. There were no birds and the foliage is per usual. Still, ready for anything, imagine my surprise...

A long shot cropped. The only bird in the park! I didn't see it through the lens. Didn't notice it until processing. In this small format, not much, but, blown up, better.

I suppose one could call these 'studies' in the snooty mode. LOL
Working with the texture and depth of field. Finished off with brushwork.
The trunks above all emanate from the same root. I hope I've made that clear.
Didn't think to make a triptych... will go back and get a shot of the crown.
(Oh, yeah... did go back and looks great. A definite print project.)

On my way out, I noticed this frond reaching for the sky. Fascinating. Got me thinking about the way organic matter folds and expands, or just stays folded upon itself in the smallest possible space like the way DNA and the cerebrum does. Just look at the 'engineering' here, the leaves growing out braced by the lateral splines. Something to go back to for to see what happens to those braces.

Got me thinking about how old, in the evolutionary sense, palm trees are. I do believe they're older than evergreen or deciduous trees. Indeed they are. I see they are a progression from grasses and bamboos. This particular one is a date palm. Nothing found regarding description or explanation of those lateral structures.

A playful presentation of pine bark. Done up in gouache. Shirt pattern?
These photos have occupied me a while. Quiet night. Church tomorrow.

Unbelievable

Did manage to retrieve this from old blog. Very lucky shot.
I recall posting it on the North Phoenix Baptist Facebook page.

No comment; just there you be. Well, there were no 'likes'. Go figure.

Why should I be a part of an organization that doesn't respond to beauty?

I've got so many old photos on hosting services and other device hard drives.
A lot of them are truly on the learning curve, taken with cheap cameras.
The minimal pixilation often made for poor resolution and focus. Adapt!
Avec caprice... put them through an app that made some of them boffo images.

Now, I don't worship the work of mine hands nor the electronics. Love it!
No one else there did, nor me. Nothing like going to church and always, and

I do mean always, feeling like an outsider. Never learned a thing there except

how unfriendly Phoenix is. Go to prayer meetings and be ignored. Fellowship?

Once wrote a letter to the pastor telling him I was interested in ministry.
This would be circa 2005. Thought about hospital chaplaincy. Seriously.
He ignored me! Never responded. What a creep. Never any moral support.
For all I know, "Is he tithing?" was all that mattered. No respect whatsoever.

Wee Hours

As mentioned before,  I am fascinated that some few people look at this blog. I've not got much of a life and not very active. I did manage to access my old Blogger site (https://ad-granny.blogspot.com/) where I did get out more, but, as you can see from the first entry, I started it up because I was bored. Was it some attempt to make life more substantial... meaningful? I see that all the photos are defunct on account of the hosting service not being used for some time. I'll have to work on that.

Owing to the fact that there are readers, should I generate content? LOL The only other blogger I read is Ann Althouse (http://althouse.blogspot.com/), a law professor and sensible commentator. I do mean to look into other Bloggers but just never get around to it. My Internet activity is rationed insofar as I don't have access at home except through my phone, which provides merely 5 gigabytes to watch an occasional movie. Not much of a life. Seems to me that if one is going to blog, square one is having experiences, not to mention some little expertise. Well, not much going for me there. I suppose, with regard to the autistic/schizoid spectrum, it is an activity in and of itself. But it's an unresponsive situation, isn't it? Story of my life.

I just did have a talk with a woman, or, I should say she talked. Went on and on about current travails. Sounded like she had a criminal complaint against somebody and I was trying to think of who could help her. Somehow a 'friend' of hers took out a title loan on her vehicle - can you imagine? $4500. And she got stuck with the payments. Huh? Isn't that fraud? The loan company was uncooperative. Who's jurisdiction is that? Whatever; she was rambling and quite off the wall. Inebriated. So, there... someone to talk to and you can't wait to get away from them. LOL

In the usual odd circumstance, reading all day and fell asleep in early evening, up and alert at 2 a.m. Wish I had something to write about. At a Denny's and some of the waitresses are very pretty. Not much of a bar close rush. My waitress is an older black woman who's been here for years and is very nice to me. Just thinking about another Denny's I used to visit where there was a fellow with whom I'd have interesting discussions but he went toxic over the Donald and I've had to avoid him.

Oh... there we go. Now I've got the picture theme for this entry! Are you familiar with this? One of my favorites. Oh, yeah; would be nice to have a friend to go to museum with. Except for drive-bys, haven't been inside for a while. Hopper, I suppose, was one of the progenitors of the 'photo-real' look. Very geometric and urban. Great piece.

Order's Here!

Not feeling particularly creative, energetic nor inspired except to present a shot of a working man. That would be an interesting project - go around taking pictures of people at their jobs; brief interview: "What are you doing?" Well, somewhat interesting for a little while. "I'm moving stuff."

Finishing the Bernadotte biography. It merely fills in gaps and presents Napoleanic Wars from different perspective. He's really not an earth-shaker himself. Just someone who benefitted from those events. But it does go to show that 'careerists' will compromise principles toward getting ahead.

Found

Took a ride earlier today to a nearby location where I was sure there would be flowers. (Gladiolas last time I was there.) Alas, there were none except the ubiquitous groundcovering marigolds. No pictures.

Drove around a bit more. No pictures.

To seek. Not to find. Shall I yield? LOL

Not exactly! Have so many on file; see.

This is very good. Eminently printable.

There, there, there...
everything's going to be alright.

Mellow Fellow

Interesting Bible study. Finished Nehemiah. No mixing with pagans nor their idols. No problem. Talk about lonesome! We're surrounded. 

In a way, I'm glad the Football Cardinals and Giants are having dismal seasons and am just fine boycotting the reprehensible thugs. Makes it a lot easier to forego that waste of time and keep me out of the gin mills - watching sports is a group activity for me, a bonding experience. (I never watch them alone.) I've got a feeling though that I'll succumb and see the conference championships and Super Bowl. LOL

Have made a couple of friends at church. Busy time with holiday... we'll get together eventually.  They seem to be less cliquish than the Southern Baptists and, free-thinking Yankee that I am, there was always something. Hey... it was a desire years ago to attend Grand Canyon University got me to visit First Southern and join. My, my; 1982! In another way, sort of 'going native'.

Winding down. Lovely sounds.

Ministry of Culture

Now that the sun has veil'd his Light,
And bid the World good Night;

To the soft Bed my Body I dispose,

But where shall my Soul repose?

Dear God, even in thy Arms,

and can there be any so sweet Security

Then to thy Rest, O my Soul, and singing, praise

The Mercy that prolongs thy Days.

Hallelujah.

William Fuller

Peaceful, quiet evening. Headed to Bible study soon. Had a funny thought about how, in Europe and, I presume, on other continents, there are countries with ministers holding the cultural portfolio tasked toward preservation of traditional local forms of expression in this regard. You know, especially where the government funds current presentation of ballet, theater and opera, but also sponsoring smaller scale festivals where people get up in the 'native costume' and do their folk dances and such. Funding, yes, but also monitoring as the authorities are wont to do. I know the French have one. Just checked... so do the Brits. 

Have to presume that the Universities are a repository for music like this too. Anyway, we don't have any such thing in the States. Can you imagine the tangle that would be?!! Good question... does the U.S. possess any culture? (Beyond baseball, football, beer and a hot dog?) Well, what is the cultural icon of moment? This? But, within the cacophony of popular culture, you'll get an argument. Ought we instead have a National Day of Reconciliation for Genocide and Slavery? That sort of thing. Isn't that what Thanksgiving has become? Arguing with the relatives. One reads of how people dread the day, having to meet up with politically adverse kin!

What culture? In irreverent America, only one way to handle the clashes...

Plate courtesy guy-sports.com 

Thanks, Google

And Canon, Fotosketcher, rocks and roses...
trees and critters, clouds and stuff in general.
I'm very grateful to have this artwork to do.
It gives me pleasure and I appreciate the opportunity.

Careerism

This is the fellow I'm presently reading about, Jean-Baptiste Jules Bernadotte. A sergeant of French Marines prior to the Revolution, it afforded him the opportunity to become an officer. Within five years he was a general. Became a Marshal of France in 1804 upon the establishment of the Empire (his republican sensibilities bought off, more of less, by Napoleon) and, due to the anomalies of Napoleonic statecraft, adopted as the Crown Prince of Sweden, subsequently king in 1814. I'm at Austerlitz right now.

He was a good soldier. Highly disciplined and diligent. Wary of politics.

"Nobody has had a career in life like mine." he is quoted to have said. I'll say!

And one might say I'm somewhat conflicted. I empathize... how's that? Good enough? As an American, I declare, hey - not our problem! But 'they' want to make it so, the saboteurs, the scolds, the socialist mind benders. What to make of it all?

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;

what is essential is invisible to the eye." OK. Will do.

It is good to be retired from skirmishes with strivers.

I hope they work it out. The country is awfully stressed.

Firmly Held

Had to be cryptic about impossible relations.

"Only a schmuck falls for a bartender." Check.

And I've subscribed to this. Principle. Check.

There is no going back and no regrets. Amen.

Just stopped into convenience store for pop.

Had a competitor's styrofoam cup refilled.

Squaring up, the clerk asks: "Refill?" Tacit?

Pointed to logo; that's called logic, son.

Simply cannot get involved a futile struggle.
Will pray for all involved and hope for best.
I do know much better and look to reason...
nothing I can do to force the issue. Absurdity!

Getaway

Yes, that would be great. But it costs. LOL

South side of Picacho Peak. Another virtual

been there, done that. Another rock...

a rock feels no pain. An island never cries.

"Spare us." Really do feel down today. Ugh.

Was going to neighborhood Senior Center,

see what activities they offered, but didn't.

They'd all be older than I am! Pathetic.

"Quit feeling sorry for yourself."
Ah, circumstances. Need to meet more
people at church. Christian companions...
yes, that would be great too. Really.

Beneath My Dignity

Had an epiphany this morning. Somewhat

at a loss for words. "Stay away from her.

She's no good for you. You don't belong there."

I would that I could exactly say... private.

I loved her. I thought she was a friend.

She wasn't. No reciprocity. No back-up.
Pretty much over it. Not going back.

Don't belong there. Nothing but trouble.

The thought was: everything costs. Things.

I am not paying to have a relationship. Absurd.

And one that doesn't exist moots the matter.

So I'll keep on moving and hope otherwise.

I grow old...

Yesterday, after church, went to a park for walk and whatever piqued the optics. Not much. Laid down in the grass on a knoll above an enclosed dog run and watch them frolic. Birding activity was limited to doves fluttering about. Yes, I was lonesome. Wish I had someone to go to church with. That is an awfully intimate sort of thing, isn't it?

Well, the soul-mate phenomenon. Too much to ask or expect? Rather late in life to do so. Frankly, I haven't experienced anything approaching this since being with my ex-wife some forty five years ago, the authenticity of just the two of us undefined by anything other than our being together. As you get older, 'the world' commences to define you... your job, your income, your status - what vehicle one drives, for crying out loud. Ha... I recall having a girlfriend in high school who goaded me, who had no wheels at the time, about an erstwhile rival who had a Mustang. She would do that - others would say she was trying to make me feel jealous. Ridiculous. I dumped her.

Well, that's what happened with my ex-wife. Other men had better jobs, more income and status; I found out that a guy whom we'd met while he was coupled with someone else who had a lucrative business and a van fornicated with her in it. It was difficult dumping her but I finally did. Was I mistaken about being soul-mates? I think so. As a matter of fact, this would have been about 1978 too; getting centered again after getting much out of kilter. Took me a couple of years to get over a deep sense of betrayal. But I was mistaken. Do I continue to delude myself? I've had several relationships since but have never recaptured that feeling I had with her prior to having to contend with more affluent yobs who lusted after her.

(Funny... saw a recent picture of her online. She has gotten chubby and unattractive. No feelings for her at all. Liberation! She wasn't very bright. And she said, "There is no God." so, in the final analysis doesn't exist. So much for soul-mating, eh?)

Yes, feeling a little lonesome. We used to do such, she and I, sit down in the grass and shoot the breeze. We had a spot we'd go to in Westchester, up on a hill overlooking the city to the south. (Hey... what am I doing, falling back in time? LOL Spent the day reading about Europe in 1795! This isn't as far back.) Summer of 1972. Then was then, now is now. Yeah, wish I had someone to talk with. But I've got this here to say that, don't I? Hence the feeling is overcome. 

That's what I like so much about taking and processing pictures. From a technical point of view. Makes me very present minded and I'd like so much to get up to speed. Above was put through an app to make it look like an oil pastel sketch. How I'd love to be able to do the real thing; the digital capability is delightful anyway. And we could use some more birds as well. Love to do portraits but that gets complicated.

Writing things up makes me present minded as well. Wish I had more experiences presently to impart. More people to illustrate. As mentioned, read all day and fell asleep, waking after four hours. Checked the news and saw that the holier-than-thou Charlie Rose has been jammed up too! Didn't turn on the TV. I haven't watched television in months. He is included in the reason why... scripted bullshit. Bunch of phonies purporting to tell us how to live our lives. Meanwhile, looking about in the 'real world' there's not much more than replication along those lines, everyone acting out their roles and scripts. 

I'm just sitting in the grass watching. Peacefully. 

I shall not disturb the universe. Ah, that reminds me... verily.      

In Urbe

Just about the size of it. Hanging out. Perusing news of the latest farce. Life on the grid. Misinformation and misperceptions. Thanksgiving coming up, you know what the Pilgrims were thankful about? Samoset taught them to put a fish head between maize seeds! That community was different from the Bay Colony, which was Calvinist. They were Evangelical and some held to a doctrine of unlimited atonement; Jesus died for all and all who choose Him are saved. Hence they saw the Natives as humans too and preached to them. They had some success but, after a while, many Natives resented that and it made for hostility and there were colonists who thought differently about said atonement; the heathen could not be counted among the Elect. The Natives were notorious for brutality to enemies; gauntlets, skinning alive, roasting - that sort of thing. The colonists got nervous, the Natives belligerent. Things came to a head subsequently and relations went toxic, the rest is history as formed by Harvard guys, for crying out loud. Life on the grid...them and us.

Regarding revisionism of the permanent revolution, I've got no problem with liberty, equality and fraternity but for hypocrisy. The old models of physical brutality have morphed into intellectual assaults; Yeats said an intellectual hatred is the worst.

At any rate, makes for good reading! Have begun this and it's quite a story. Essentially, what we experience politically reflects the dynamic of the French Revolution. The American one was commercial. It had to do with freedom of trade pursuant to the Navigation Acts passed by a distant and unrepresentative Parliament which taxed the colonists to pay for their protection from, TA-DA... the French and Indians. Capital issues. What we see in the legacy of the French revolutionaries (from which derives Marxism) is a growing 'meritocracy' which thinks it should rule; socialists espousing the greater good but the best for them. A pecking order on the grid dominated by secularized twerps like the Mathers? No thanks.

Intriguing

Love this shot. Could be better. That's where taking a class and learning processing techniques would be advantageous, not to mention talking it over with aficionados. We'll see. I really can't go into too much expense. The basics would be good enough.

Sure is a bear having to go back all the time on posts correcting errors and formatting quirks. When one posts on three different devices, there are things that don't quite present until you repose on a laptop. The phone is difficult to work with for the minisculity! 

Don't know exactly what I want this blog to be. Since I'm not very active (not quite the bon vivant anymore) there's not much to say except what crops up in reading. That all seems to be scattershot, but does make for stimulus toward writing, which I like to do in and of itself. Wish I could do that better as I feel I'm terribly formulaic. I think it's gotten to be sort of a substitute for actual commiseration. And a complaint department. LOL

At any rate, I am curious as to who looks at this. There seems to be regular viewing by about ten people; not following but just having a gander. Blogger reports how many views there are but not from whom and there are never any comments so I haven't a clue. As far as I'm concerned, I mostly am talking to myself. Sometimes that might go out of bounds but I am careful to protect privacy and respect sensibilities. In the throes of love and war, is all fair? I should think not. Really. To each his own; live and let live. 

Bliss

Usually put my jewelry in pants pocket before placing in locker at club. There's a problem with some of these lightweight synthetic mesh athletic shorts - the pockets are not deep. Sit down and things fall out, as happened with a wallet couple months ago. Terribly inconvenient.

Last night, after dressing, went to commode stall. Unbeknownst to me, having dropped the shorts... guess what? I get home, no ring. Called... nothing turned in. Gave it up as lost cause. $50! Easy come easy go.

Well, lo and behold, after asking again at counter this evening... YES! Someone turned it in. Don't know who. Lucky me.

Propagation

Forgiven before the cross. Met several people. 

1 John at study. Pastor preached on John 1.

Going back for Lord's Table this evening. 

Feel alright and need to recommit. Will do.

Had a thought during the Bible study, the teacher going on with Pauline citations buttressing presentation, mentioning how and when they were written - made me curious. All the epistles are to congregations in Europe and Asia Minor. Nothing to churches in Egypt, Mesopotamia and what we'd call the Levant today. Large congregations in Alexandria, Babylon and Antioch. The Canon does not reflect that. Came to mind in light of reading about Egypt, then, of course, one of the first persons documented as being baptised is the Ethiopian on the road. Narrows the 'world view' of later Europeans, doesn't it? 

Yes, very curious about Copts and so-called Eastern Rite in the Levant and Mesopotamia. All these people have suffered so much recently on account of radical Islamic bellicosity. Somewhat familiar with the theological issues in the early church where different patriarchal or metropolitan persons got into tangles over the Trinity - Arianism, the procession of the Holy Spirit... those sorts of issues which pertained to the establishment of catholicism by the first several councils inclusive Nicea.

(Just recalled James! Jerusalem, of course. 

And Jude... interesting that... more later.)

On the way out, gazed at shrubs a moment.

Then... moment transcending. A gift.

Lucky shot? Thrilled. Praise God.
Very happy to see this and we'll see what it is!

Lessons

Things come and go but skills can stabilize life. Pretty much common sense. I'm so glad I took some time this morning to learn how to manually focus the camera. (Didn't take long but did take some focus of another sort.) Sun rising. Up early. Iron a shirt. Take a few shots. Go for coffee. Get to Sunday School. Straightforward.

I was aghast when I read the previous post. As mentioned, written in the hot tub and just wanted to get it done. My right brain in control with regard to the picture and the memory, the left inoperative relative to spelling! Several typos. Not easy writing things up on a phone screen either. So, there... calm and cool, I saw them right away on the laptop  presently - I have not forgotten. Optimally, the hemispheres coordinate.

Well, please God I get myself together, get organized and maintain stability. 

Catching Up

Simply amazing. Was able to pull up exact spot where I got 'centered' in 1978! No kidding. East side of Willamette River. Quite a difference in foilage from hither. Sort of goes to an issue often crops up, namely the academic life. Fell of the rails and live with some regret. Psychologically, that can fester into self-esteem excrutiation. Choices made; the consequences put kibosh on living a tenured life and substantial erudition. 

Woulda, coulda, shoulda as they say in old country. When I complain about solitary life amidst strangers, I surmise this is the standard I'm imagining, the collegial life among thinking people. LOL Another issue there with regard to the tyranny of political correctness and vindictive denouncement of classical liberal arts from both the so-called left and right.

That hoary categorizing indicates intellectual morbidity and knowing better  evidences how really different I am, accounting it a derivative cliche. Bores pummeling their erstwhile boogieman 'other' while absconding empirical methods toward sound conclusions. Atavistic and revanchist pressure groups thinking deviance from any received more is, by dint of novelty and self-satisfaction, like, way cool. Gang warfare.

A pleasure stepping into the tub and I digress. Go to the sweat lodge next. Purified, I wipe the slate clean. Up early tomorrow, healthy, wealthy and less inclined toward nonsense. Groovy.

Worth It

Took my walk in Cortez Park. Ambling around the pond, plenty ducks, one goose.

Headed back to the vehicle, just happened to see some slight movement above.

Well, if it isn't a Night Heron. Going to make great picture - blown up, colorated.
Definitely worth the mini-excursion. Go figure... X prints x $Y = dream on.

"So what are you up to?"
Shimmerin', ol' chum. Heads up an' eyes wide open.

Cheers

These things I have spoken unto you,

that in me ye might have peace. 
In the world ye shall have tribulation:
be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

                                                   John 16:33

Up earlier today after a week of nocturnal existence. The authentic me... do what I want, when I want, eh? Get adjusted for to get to church tomorrow morning. I do feel better and did think of a brilliant restore point. 1978. In the years prior I'd become familiar with Buddhism, specifically the cycle of despair. I'd done some study of Vedic culture while at college, Upanishads and the like. I'd read Siddhartha in high school - awfully moved, I was, but wasn't particular about 'doctrine' so to speak, just loved the story. Won't go into Kama Sutra but, ars gratia artis and all that. 

Along about the time noted above, I read Gautama's sermon at Benares. The Four Noble Truths... very moved. Yes, I understood. Whatsoever is of a nature to arise is of a nature to cease. Yo; the Stoics had it as: this too shall pass. I get it.

I had been shattered by some bad experiences. Simultaneous to this I was reading the Bible. New Testament. I'd done so as a teenager but went back. There was a day where I went to find one. I went to a used bookstore and so requested. The fellow at the counter simply gave me one. He said it came with a lot of other books he'd purchased at an estate sale and was rather dog-eared. Well, it sure was from a bygone age.

Evidently it belonged to a girl in the lower Willamette Valley in the early 20th Century. Sweet Home, to be exact, a farming community. All sorts of pencilled notes and reminders to pray for this person or that. I read it dearly. Going through the passion, I wept. Trying to put it all together, these emotions and thoughts pertaining to The Way and the intellectual epiphany in The Path, I was stretching - as in "Quite the stretch, there, pardner." until I saw one just couldn't try; just be, be as you are, be just with yourself. Be enlightened. No need to Suffer. Jesus paid the price. Just live. Understand?

Came a moment... I was at the University of Portland library reading up on all this. Stepping outside, the wind was picking up. Weather moving in. Up on a bluff over the Willamette, across from Forest Park, far vistas. I felt totally refreshed and, well, a real 'candle in the wind' rush came over me. I was free. That is my restore point. Am I making sense? Hope so!

Thou art my king, O God:

command deliverances for Jacob.

                            Psalm 44:4

When I was working, I loved Saturday mornings, up and out to coffee. It was even better in Portland back in the day where coffee places were meet-up locales, running into people over the years. Here too years ago, but more cliquish and, eventually, snobbery and sexual politics reducing savoir-faire. Presently, only the corporate locations, aliens, strangers... as much ambiance as any grocery store. But, here I am, doing my best. Here and now, presenting a Library Palo Verde. Pretty colors. Beautiful world.

There's no Rose Garden here as in Portland, but making do, perhaps some other sights to see this afternoon. Have camera will travel. There's someone I will be thinking of this evening but early to bed... healthy, wealthy and wise. There will be a settlement somehow but I wouldn't force the issue. We listened to this together once; some little explaining to do. How could she know? Trivial matter. I'm going to stick to artistic and scholarly pursuits and leave it be. Been a long time since I felt anything for anyone that intensely, filling a vacuum as it were. Through the cycle! Another time, another place... perhaps. I shall not want.

Miss My Pooch

Cloudy afternoon. There wasn't the gloom of a chill day on the east coast, but you could sense the muffle of the sounds and diffuse light. Went to the local park and that's all there was. Clouds. Thus I took a few shots but nothing spectacular. Just sat a while on a bench recalling the walks I'd take there with my dog until she demised in 2010. A few other shots of some Chinese maple trees changing. 

China's what I had in mind with this piece, presenting some black ink brush work, this being the reference, but no application of the sort. Tufting. I tried several approaches but nothing looked good enough so simply decided to show the original shot in black and white. Sure does take a long time to go through all this. Must have spent a half an hour trying different effects, the HP processor slow and the WiFi speed marginal. Had I faster capability, the work would been done quickly and you'd be able to compare pictures for the more better. But it's out of the question. LOL Be happy with what you've got, right? 

I gave some thought to following through with membership at Sovereign Grace Church on Bethany nearby. Essentially, we are in agreement. I've been stalling as I'm just not right with The Lord and know it. A lot of internalized issues. Lousy experiences. Unable to find happy medium with loved ones. The spirit willing, the flesh week. Of course membership brings obligation to be consistent; a terrible flaw of mine. I needed to forgive incredibly indifferent people. Nothing to be done but give it over to God, in Who's time all will be resolved. So yes, I do believe I'll close this matter this Sunday.

This one exhibits the same tufted effect. Not much color in the sky. Ha... reminds of a tune! (Navigating and page loads extremely slow as mentioned and it just dawns on me I've got a full scan going.) Was a big deal going to the record store for albums. Music Millennium the store of choice in Portland. How brilliant that one can just listen to the album here and now. Traveling light and raising cash before leaving Oregon in 1981, I sold all my discs. Must have a hundred CDs I never listen to; should burn and sell.

Friday night, far from madding crowd. Peaceful evening. Scan done; cleaned files, deleted cookies, dumped cache. Running much faster now. More fun with electrons!

My lords, ladies and gentlemen: come play with me. Please. 

I mean; really. Were it not for hue of the leaves, I'd say it looks rather desolate. LOL Growing up amidst concrete, I'd feel very lucky to have a playground like this. Where are the kids? Gaming otherwise, I suppose. What we did in my old neighborhood of apartment houses was 'call' for each other. You'd actually go to someone's door and ask if they could come out and play. So we did. Ringolevio! Caught, caught, caught.

Might like to ride toward Payson for some more fall color. I've done so around Prescott. Wasn't impressed. Not many deciduous trees. Don't know of any such forests in Arizona. Something to research if I decide to do so. Staying close to home for now. Yes, we'd (my dog Eula and I) would visit this park couple times a week. She was so composed and elegant at home. When we'd go out, she'd get rambunctious. Could never let her run free - she was an enthusiastic jumper. Just playing, but she'd scare people.