Cheers

These things I have spoken unto you,

that in me ye might have peace. 
In the world ye shall have tribulation:
be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

                                                   John 16:33

Up earlier today after a week of nocturnal existence. The authentic me... do what I want, when I want, eh? Get adjusted for to get to church tomorrow morning. I do feel better and did think of a brilliant restore point. 1978. In the years prior I'd become familiar with Buddhism, specifically the cycle of despair. I'd done some study of Vedic culture while at college, Upanishads and the like. I'd read Siddhartha in high school - awfully moved, I was, but wasn't particular about 'doctrine' so to speak, just loved the story. Won't go into Kama Sutra but, ars gratia artis and all that. 

Along about the time noted above, I read Gautama's sermon at Benares. The Four Noble Truths... very moved. Yes, I understood. Whatsoever is of a nature to arise is of a nature to cease. Yo; the Stoics had it as: this too shall pass. I get it.

I had been shattered by some bad experiences. Simultaneous to this I was reading the Bible. New Testament. I'd done so as a teenager but went back. There was a day where I went to find one. I went to a used bookstore and so requested. The fellow at the counter simply gave me one. He said it came with a lot of other books he'd purchased at an estate sale and was rather dog-eared. Well, it sure was from a bygone age.

Evidently it belonged to a girl in the lower Willamette Valley in the early 20th Century. Sweet Home, to be exact, a farming community. All sorts of pencilled notes and reminders to pray for this person or that. I read it dearly. Going through the passion, I wept. Trying to put it all together, these emotions and thoughts pertaining to The Way and the intellectual epiphany in The Path, I was stretching - as in "Quite the stretch, there, pardner." until I saw one just couldn't try; just be, be as you are, be just with yourself. Be enlightened. No need to Suffer. Jesus paid the price. Just live. Understand?

Came a moment... I was at the University of Portland library reading up on all this. Stepping outside, the wind was picking up. Weather moving in. Up on a bluff over the Willamette, across from Forest Park, far vistas. I felt totally refreshed and, well, a real 'candle in the wind' rush came over me. I was free. That is my restore point. Am I making sense? Hope so!

Thou art my king, O God:

command deliverances for Jacob.

                            Psalm 44:4

When I was working, I loved Saturday mornings, up and out to coffee. It was even better in Portland back in the day where coffee places were meet-up locales, running into people over the years. Here too years ago, but more cliquish and, eventually, snobbery and sexual politics reducing savoir-faire. Presently, only the corporate locations, aliens, strangers... as much ambiance as any grocery store. But, here I am, doing my best. Here and now, presenting a Library Palo Verde. Pretty colors. Beautiful world.

There's no Rose Garden here as in Portland, but making do, perhaps some other sights to see this afternoon. Have camera will travel. There's someone I will be thinking of this evening but early to bed... healthy, wealthy and wise. There will be a settlement somehow but I wouldn't force the issue. We listened to this together once; some little explaining to do. How could she know? Trivial matter. I'm going to stick to artistic and scholarly pursuits and leave it be. Been a long time since I felt anything for anyone that intensely, filling a vacuum as it were. Through the cycle! Another time, another place... perhaps. I shall not want.